The red flags of domestic violence kept popping up for Sarasota, FL salon owner and stylist Rhonda Calahan — but it took 30 stab wounds and an extended hospital stay to break her free from her abuser.
“I decided I wanted to help other survivors the day I came home from the hospital,” Calahan says, “because I believe God kept me here for a reason.”
In 2019, Calahan founded Queens of Domestic Violence Awareness, a nonprofit organization offering support to survivors. Her goal: to help other women leave dangerous relationships sooner rather than later.
In Calahan’s case, the abuse built up over time before it exploded in a 2012 attack that almost killed her. Verbal cruelty started about a year and a half after her boyfriend moved in, followed by accelerating jealousy, control tactics, and threats.
A Traumatic Experience Sparks a Mission
As is the case with many victims of domestic abuse, the near-deadly assault came when Calahan tried to end the relationship.
“I said, ‘Get your things and leave,’” she recalls.
In response, Calahan's then-boyfriend slapped her across the face, knocking her head into the wall. He dragged her into the kitchen and grabbed a knife, stabbing her repeatedly until her son’s girlfriend interrupted the attack.
Calahan escaped outside, collapsing in the neighbor’s yard, and was airlifted to a nearby trauma center. She pulled through because the stab wounds didn't penetrate any main arteries or veins.
Calahan emerged with a new purpose in life: “to be a testimony to other women,” she says, “so they will know that they are not alone and they can regain their strength and start over.”
Her attacker was convicted of attempted murder and is serving a 30-year prison sentence.
More than 10 million people are the victims of domestic violence each year in the U.S. (a number likely higher due to unreported cases). One in three women and one in four men experience intimate partner violence annually, Calahan says.
Domestic violence counts for about 15 percent of all violent crime, with hotlines receiving more than 20K calls every day, Calahan says, adding that firearms significantly raise homicide risk.
Building a Lifeline for Other Survivors
Abuse survivors are reluctant to come forth for a multitude of reasons that include financial or social status; feeling ashamed; fear of being homeless, deported, or cut off from community; or cultural pressure.
“This is why we never judge or say things like ‘Why you don't just leave?’” Calahan says. “We want to bring awareness so that women will know that there are resources for help once they make their mind up they want to leave.”
Calahan describes her nonprofit as a “small but mighty domestic violence organization without walls. We make sure no one gets turned away. We do whatever we can to help.”
Queens of Domestic Violence Awareness has a staff of 15 volunteers and two paid licensed therapists. It offers survivors and their children a four-day safe stay in a hotel, and provides food, clothes, toiletries, and baby supplies, plus relocation help such as bus tickets and gas cards.
The therapists run a support group, which Calahan credits for helping her finish a memoir about her harrowing experience, 30 Days of Domestic Violence.
Queens of Domestic Violence Awareness has built up a strong outreach network. The staff will speak at Boys & Girls Clubs, churches, detention centers — anywhere there is a need.
Local partnerships include work with the Sarasota-based Red Cross Streets of Paradise, which provides disaster relief, homes, and housing supplies to people in crisis; Equal SRQ, which supports addiction recovery; and the Women’s Resource Center, a far-reaching nonprofit that assists with physical and mental health, education, and more.
With money raised through fundraising, grants, and private donors, Queens of Domestic Violence Awareness fills in the gap left by other organizations whose beds are full, providing emergency shelter and working with area hotels.
“Our annual budget is about $60,000, but I see it doubling to even more this year,” Calahan says. Her goal: to raise enough funds to purchase a safe home for survivors.
Calahan had owned a hair salon for 13 years before the attack. Today, she operates a home-based, full-service salon.
Her clients know about her advocacy work, “and when I have to take a call, I go into another room to talk and they understand. I am so grateful for that,” she says.
“I had to leave once to go out on a call, and my client said, ‘Go, Rhonda. I will be fine. Go take care of the victims.’ Other times I would have one of my volunteers go out for me while I'm doing hair.”
Why Salons Can Be Safe Spaces
Calahan says the nature of her work as a stylist prepared her for the role — and that all beauty professionals can play a valuable part in helping people break away from domestic abuse.
“Be that listening ear, listen without judgment. Never say to her what you would do if it was you, because everyone’s situation is different,” she advises. “See if you can put together some resources for her that will give her a choice to decide what she wants to do.”
Calahan advises salon owners to create informational guides of local and national organizations that can offer help for clients in crisis.
“Talk to her about setting up a safety plan — and that if she wants to leave, never tell her abuser,” says Calahan. “Leaving is the most dangerous time.”
Calahan notes that although her advocacy work is anything but easy, it’s her calling. “It's in my heart to want to help other survivors because I know what it feels like,” she says.
“I know what it feels like to be beaten, choked, and stabbed by a man that once said he loves you. I know what it feels like to have someone tell you what they would have done if it was them. No, you don’t know what you would have done,” she emphasizes.
Instead of platitudes or judgment, Calahan offers help and hope.
“I want (survivors) to know that as long as you have breath in your body, you can do anything,” she says.
“Our support group teaches a lot on self-esteem and uplifting. We want the women to be strong and live a life free of pain and abuse. You can do it — and love yourself enough not to settle for anything less than you deserve.”